I Would Have Loved Him Anyway
I have just returned home from school to check who is online. As usual, my ex-boyfriend is there. On a whim, I decide to click on his name and attempt to say hello...you know...just to be *friendly*. After typing -hey- numerous times, I finally decide to close the box, disgusted at my own cowardice. Sadly, I look at the calendar...realizing that it should be our year-long anniversary. Does he even think about stuff like that? Things have changed so much...we have gone from talking every night at 11pm to not even being able to establish eye contact when we see each other around. It doesn't really hurt anymore...the pain of losing him...it's just become a dull ache. But sometimes late at night...as I listen to slow jams...memories plague my mind - and heart. My body still remembers how it felt like to be held close to his chest, and how he would squeeze me so tight because he was afraid to let go. How does love so easily slide into hate? I remember how he said that he wanted to still be my friend and he would be there for me. That's impossible. To go from something so intense to mere friendship? No. Some people were meant to be friends, while others were meant to be lovers. The problem being that lovers tend to be more temporal. And they hurt more. I think of everything I sacrificed for 1.5 months of bliss with him.....our friendship....my heart....but I would do it all again. Yes, I can't bring myself to speak to him...but I think that we have both changed...the girl in me will probably always love the boy he once was. He taught me how to feel. So I end this with a note...never be bitter at the guy who broke your heart. He showed you the intensity of love. You never know how special love is until you lose it. Maybe once again I will be able to talk to my ex boyfriend. Maybe not. I can regret how I handled things in the relationship, I can regret how we handled the breakup. I can cry, and bitch, and moan about how hurt and awful I feel. But you know what? I would have loved him anyway.

**I saw this in a forum-type-thing and totally related to it. I made a couple changes (in italics) so it's exactly me. Sounds stupid to you, maybe. But, it certainly got my heart beating again.