When you think you've lost everything is when you see what you really have. Life is strange like that; you have to have been deprived to learn how to truly survive. Like the famous quote, "If you love something let it go; if it returns then it was always yours. If it never returns then it was never truly yours." Love seems to be like that. You never know how truly in love you are with a person until you've lost them.

I have a hard time talking or writing about love and life seeing as I'm still young. Eighteen-years of age doesn't exactly qualify me as a life expert, but it also doesn't mean that I've been hiding in a box my whole life thus far. I've seen things happen both in the world around me and the world right in front of me. I've had friends, family, and pets die. I've seen drug use and prostitution. I've seen true love and lust. Everybody has their own experiences and everybody makes their own choices whether to learn from the past or just keep repeating the same mistakes.

Have you ever told yourself you would never do something again and next thing you know you're repeating that action? I have done this all too many times. Sadly, this is why I stopped journaling. I used to write In my journal on a regular basis; I stopped because I got tired of looking back on things I had promised myself I wouldn't do but I had just gone and done it again. Basically I was disappointed with who I was becoming.

I wish now that I had never stopped. I have nothing to look back on and help keep me in check. Writing was the only thing in life I could really rely on. Today it's only like that to a certain point. Friendships have never been a strong point in my life, so my writing always filled in from what I lacked in relations.

I wrote to feel, or to sort out my feelings. My writings were always based around my emotions. I’d always date the top and even write the time of which I was writing at. This would help me look back and remember exactly how I was feeling at why at an exact moment of a certain day. I had notebooks for random thoughts, or questions about life, or just my regular journal. Writing was my life.

I feel now, as I look back, that I have lost the only true best friend I have ever bad. Writing helped me sort out all sorts of life dilemmas. Whether it was a problem with the boyfriend or my family, or even just school frustrations - Everything always seemed to be clear in my mind after I had finished writing about it.

I suppose that is why all these words are flowing out of me right now. I'm trying desperately to grasp back onto that friendship I miss so much. I don't want to let it slip any farther away. Or perhaps I'm trying to figure out whether it is possible to have true friendship with an action...

Whatever it is, I'll have some sort of closure at the end of this. Writing bas been there for me in the past, and I'm sure that if I hold onto it then it will be here for me in the future.

"Never let something slip away because of self-disappointment. Always let go because of substance. And always hold on until the last thread breaks. Never ever give up too soon."